erasing what you thought

it seems like it is always times that i am especially emotional; annoyed, sad or disappointed when i realize that i have so much to write about. i wish it was not so often that things like what has been going on occur.. but they do. perhaps it is because i continue to choose people in my life that are only temporary people. people who want to pick and choose when they want to be a genuine friend and other times when they want to just not give a shit about what comes from their mouth towards you.

or perhaps it is simply because people will always, if given the chance, take and take and will not look back to see that they have left you baren. the process of getting over someone, whether that be in a friendship or relationship, is not an easy one. there are some special people out there that have the ability to just drop people and have no emotional damage from that. i am not one of those people.

we weren’t anything, but we weren’t nothing.

it takes time and lots of talking for me to be  able to just.. let it go and move on. judgement of people based on their coping mechanisms is something that i cannot put under a microscope. it makes me sick to know that i have to accept that sort of treatment from people who claim to be my friends. it almost feels unhealthy, maybe it is. we can attempt to blame this on star signs (those pesky Geminis always end up being too much) or the way someone was raised but what good is that?

i guess this post is just an opportunity for me to just. .spill how i feel. there are so many other positives in my life right now and i do not know why it is only things that involve my trust and my heart that i am allowing to rule me. friends are never truly trustworthy until they give you a reason to show you they are and that is scary. i guess i hate to say this, but this is yet another reason why i have to learn to stop opening up to people. stay with the day ones and the others.. are just your party friends or acquaintances because apparently, you gave them a higher level in your life than they do with you.