Untying

  • Writing is thinking. To write well is to think clearly. That’s why it’s so hard.- David McCullough

There’s a special place in my heart for people who know how to turn around and not get caught up in the day to day. I see that as a gift, a gift that I was not given but can see is instilled with a few. These last few months (June & July) have been incredible once I am able to reflect upon them. After weeks of doing hundreds of applications for jobs, my first interview which I had thought was a total bust (on the interviewers’ part, not mine) had actually been the one to seal the deal and offer me the job.

I like to believe that I take each thing that happens in my life and attempt to find the positive or the good in it. For that though, it happens to take a bit out of me, bit by bit. There are just some experiences that you have to live through to realize that being in that situation isn’t for you. My first job experience was riddled with numerous negatives. Although I will not name the place of my employment, I feel like it is pertinent for me to express why I decided to put in my resignation. First off, the management was incredibly unorganized and it was “Oh, watch out for so and so. If you work with them, all you’ve learned just goes out the window!” Cue one of my raised eyebrow looks here.. My manager was always rude and short-tempered, he just did not seem to truly give me a chance and did not take the time to train me properly. For the most part, my coworkers were nice and willing to teach me the ropes but shift after shift I still came home feeling uneasy and anxiety ridden. One thing that I really did not enjoy was the uncleanliness of it all; at any restaurant setting, you would have menus cleaned with something; such as a rag, but you would also need a bucket filled with disinfectant for it. At my place of employment, there was one rag that was given to clean numerous menus with grease, food and germs and that same rag was used for the counter and whatever else my superiors deemed “dirty.”

After almost a month, I could not take it anymore. I could not force myself to drive the 30 minutes to work just feeling terrible about myself. I decided that I could place myself in a situation where nothing positive was coming out from my time there. Yes, I was getting paid, but that was minimum wage and it was not worth the way i felt. I sought the advice of some of my closest friends and was reminded that I only deserved positivity. I needed to break away from the things that added an unnecessary stress to me, especially because this was not a necessity. Feeling stagnant becomes old and is not healthy. I contacted my manager and blamed my resignation on my summer classes and although they are getting more rigorous, it was not the real reason. The real world doesn’t like to accept the truth because we must save face apparently.

Life will always continue with or without your consent. Whether or not you decide to actually decide to partake and live is another choice altogether. I choose to move towards bettering myself and although that is a daily choice, I know I have to. I see so many people that I consider as friends go and support others for their dreams etc but when it comes to me, I have to take my own advice and keep my eyes open rather than look away. Just because other people who claim to support you do not seek you out for opportunities, that is not your loss. it is theirs. They may not see your potential or that you are working towards your goals, but that just can serve as a way to make you sure that you are pursuing your own, for you. For the betterment of your family or your community at large.

I pray for the lives taken everyday, whether that be for the slain officers on duty or for the hundreds of people of color who are being called together to take notice and make change. For the root of all evil to show their face and be condemned rather than taken out in the streets and called upon as if it were a source of power. This hatred that is present in our society has been woven into America’s bloodlines and it is time that we peacefully untie and sew our own united and diverse America. This holds true to all the injustice worldwide as well. We are more than the social media that we placate our opinions on, we must use these platforms as way to actually incite change and go out and do just that.

I hope to seek good food, heartfelt and genuine friends and views that make me feel something and create positive change. The memories matter just as much as you do. Writing is something that offers a forum for thought, which is why I thought McCullough’s quote fit so well in this piece. As the days grow near for me to return to my college, I start thinking about all that can go wrong this coming year; all that can go right. Perhaps all we must do is continue believing in ourselves and in God’s plan and hopefully what is left of our summers, and this coming year, is filled with more joy, development and growth than hurt and condemnation, for us all.